A successful home, in general terms is a home where God’s original plan is kept: where the husband and the wife are one both in flesh and purpose. More specifically, it’s a home where the husband is not a ruler but a leader, a loving and empathetic husband and father; always putting his wife’s interest before his own. It is where the wife fears the Lord, is not rights-driven but love-driven, and is a great mother to her husband and children. In a nut shell, it is where the husband is present, has a large heart and is duly honored by the wife; where the wife is secure, queenly, and protective of her home; and where father and mother are united and speak with one voice to groom the children to love God and be relevant to society.
On the surface the above definition suggests that a successful home is a myth in modern society. The stories making the rounds also seem to support this notion. For example, recent statistics coming from the United States is very disturbing; a study has found out that divorce is highest in the States among the Evangelical Christians!
Indeed, marriage is having problems worldwide and divorce increasingly getting popular with up to 50% of home in the USA; also, people’s attitude to marriage especially in the West tends to make the institution half a penny. In fact, there are endless forces acting against the marriage institution today that is making the youth find their way around it. For example, cohabitation or live-in lovers is not only acceptable but common in society up to the point of having children without marital commitment. One blow to marriage that popularized this trend is the perceived extra-rights given to women such that they can dismiss their husband at will under any guise and even seem to make more money doing so than when they keep them.
Generally, there is too much of government in the people’s life particularly in the EU such that Biblical home practices have been largely invaded like laws that enforce treating children like eggs to ‘internalize self-esteem’ in them thereby forbidding home discipline. Again, same-sex legislation acceptability in Western nations shows clearly the ‘’demystification’’ of the marriage institution and making nonsense the main importance of the institution as the lowest unit of society where the human race regenerates itself both in number and culture. These trends have eroded the gains of human social development and unwound the hand of the clock of civilization.
Next to too much government is the pattern of modern living that is totally anti-family. The misplaced priority whereby material acquisition overwrites attention to children is a deadly blow to marriage. Both parents must work in most homes either before they can pay the bills or because they can’t pull resources together. Now think of it, couples leave home in the morning when they are their best to work with their opposite sex colleagues but return home fully stressed up to spend time with their loved ones—and when homo sapiens are stressed up they aren’t just nice. The fallout of this is that they often develop soul bonding with an opposite sex at work while their home progressively slides down the hill into a crash. How many homes have been broken because of adultery with colleagues at work!
Meanwhile, ever increasing demographical changes in society particularly due to immigration, seamless information dissemination like the internet and TV have all combined to produce a multicultural society resulting in culture shock and anomy or stealing of other people’s culture with attendant family tensions and breakages. For example, a common source of family failure among the Africans in the Western diasporas is due to many African wives becoming westernized both in thought and conduct thereby wielding rights at home and rejecting the African culture of submission and tolerance when their men are not yet ready.
The last group of forces against homes today is the increase of male infertility, erectile dysfunction, a near total moral decadence, cultureless societal norms, and the religion of evolution masquerading itself as science.
To put it in cogent points; male infertility is unfortunately becoming rampart (1 in 9 men in USA) and is a home breaker among many Africans and Asians who unfortunately see little essence in marriage without children. Again, men may have to choose between obesity and the bed because both don’t seem to be best of friends—apart from medical sources of erectile dysfunction that are beyond my scope here; however erectile dysfunction is among the fastest home breaker.
The legalization of pornography in the Western countries coupled with societal glorification of nudity among women while at the same time expecting every man, cooked and uncooked to be a near perfect human being that is always in control of his libido even in the face of sexual provocation has proven to be farce. Of course, there is no excuse for rape for any man and no excuse for sexual immorality for a Christian; but not all men are men and not all Christians are Christian. Therefore, sexual immorality is the order of the day turning the womb into death chambers of millions of unborn children every year, as well as making marriage a laughing stock and popularizing divorce.
Today, society is cultureless and shameless; Messrs Right and Wrong are dead and buried—killed by Mr. Relative Truth—and they are survived by Messrs Acceptable and Not-acceptable.
Lastly, perhaps the worst ill effect has come to marriage from the wide acceptability of the theory of evolution. It was the communist revolution that enforced atheism describing religion as ‘the opium of the people’. Atheism however, entered the Western world in a subtle and persuasive way appealing to reason like the devil appealed to Eve’s sense of reason thereby deceiving her. Evolution is only a theory yet to be proven but has been classified by protagonists as factual. Its explanations and so-called evidences are more evolutionary than the theory itself. In a nut shell, Evolution has all the makings and trappings of religion and even requires more faith than a belief in God. It has been very effective nonetheless, particularly in removing the fear of a creator God from society. Now applied to marriage, what will restrict a young man or woman from sin more than the fear of God?
With the concomitant interplay of the above enumerated variables, how can we have a strong, joyous and united home? The good news is that millions of homes are still united, healthy and strong. The solution again is thankfully simple and the main problem with marriage today being fundamental.
Now, a lack of understanding of a product leads to its abuse. Surely, the marriage institution is collapsing today partly because people are reacting to some age-long abuse like the subjugation of women at home at times to subservient status. The bigger error is the correction of those abuses that are mere symptoms without treating the real disease that is the misconception of the marriage institution.
Fundamentally, idea of marriage today is vastly different from God’s original plan. Gen. 2: 24 gave us God’s definition of marriage which is to leave one’s parent to cleave with one’s spouse resulting in becoming one flesh together. That instantly takes out the third party, selfishness and disunity from the home.
Secondly, in Gen. 2:18 we have God’s essence for marriage—the woman being a suitable helper to her husband, being intrinsically equal and in no way inferior to her husband, making her husband’s life good and worth living. Ditto for the husband of course. Therefore the essence of marriage is not to take but to contribute. In his book, “Divorce & Remarriage’’, Rev. Emmanuel Baba-Lola wrote: “Most couples go into marriage today with expectations the institution is not designed to supply. Folks go into marriage to receive something, whereas the Lord founded it as a giving institution.
Kindly note that Eve was a suitable helper; a contributor, a provider, and solution to Adam’s problems. Her essence is to give not take. She was a helpmate. The husband has one purpose in the marriage union—to help the wife; and the wife has no different mission to her husband other than to be his constant help.
Marriage therefore, is not about what you want or what you can receive, but all about what you have and can contribute. Marriage is not where to go because you are in need; it is where to go because you can bless somebody.
Marriage will hardly give you what you don’t have. It only multiplies what you bring into it. Folks go into the union to find love, peace, satisfaction, joy, etc but never find it there. The Lord is our source, not marriage.
The principal purpose of marriage therefore is service to your spouse; every other purpose is secondary’’. The only way to have a happy home is to serve.
